January 5, 2005 at 7:46 am #2698
Hi everyone, No need to reply if you don’t want to because this isn’t actually about MDS just some after effects. Some of you may remember my mom passed away in October from complications with MDS. I’m worried about my Dad. No, he’s not sick just very depressed. This has always been a difficult time of year for him. You see while it was 30 years ago my grandfather also died in October then just 3 months later on January 7th (my dad’s birthday) my grandmother passed away. She was not sick. My parents always said she died of a broken heart because she couldn’t get over the death of my grandfather. Now my sister asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. His reply, “I just want to sleep. I never expected to live this long (he’ll be 79, not that old ). I always thought I’d go first.” I’m very scared right now. I’ll be going there every day now and Friday I’ll probably go there from morning until night.
Thanks for letting me unload. I got out all my tears. Now I can try to be strong.
KathyJanuary 5, 2005 at 1:43 pm #2699
Kathy, you are among friends here where we can all unload when we need to. Wish I had some advice for you. As you well know its going to take time for your Dad to adjust to your Moms loss. He is still in a grieving process. He needs his family and freinds to help him through this most difficult time. He cannot do it alone. You may want to check with his medical Dr to see if they have suggestions.Check into daily activites offered in your area for seniors. Something to keep him busy and occupied perhaps. You hang in there. Will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Remember one day at a time.
SarahJanuary 5, 2005 at 3:49 pm #2700
I’m so sorry that your dad is going through such a difficult time. You are a tremendous support for him and he is very lucky to have you. There’s a website that may be helpful.. http://www.GriefHelp.org
Thinking of you, JodyJanuary 5, 2005 at 5:22 pm #2701
Kathy ~ I will keep your dad in my prayers. My mom-in-law was like that after her husband passed away. She was just so depressed and didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. We lived with her at that time and I think it helped having us around. Yeah, you may want to check with his doctor to see if they can give him anything for his depression, just until he can deal with things a little better. The holidays are always the hardest part, you know. Feel free to vent anytime.January 5, 2005 at 6:19 pm #2702
Hi Kathy, My dad is going through similar feelings, he’s only 66. He lost his partner (my mom) in August. This Christmas was unbearable for him, he had a very hard time. He suffered a major heart attack just before Mom passed away, she spent every day at the hospital caring for him, I think she was a bit relieved that the focus was off of her. They were quite a team. There are no words to take the pain away, all I can say is be there, I’ve told my Dad that Mom would not be happy if she knew he was giving up, she would want him to go on and live each day to it’s fullest. It’s not easy. One day at a time.
All the best,
DonnaJanuary 5, 2005 at 8:28 pm #2703
I’m sure he didn’t really mean he didn’t expect to live this LONG … like you said … it’s not THAT long. My great aunts didn’t start making that comment until they were each over 90! I think he just didn’t ever think he’d live LONGER than your mom. My mom saved my dad’s life quite literally by jumping on the bed and on his chest and doing CPR for several minutes before they arrived with the paddles. Miraculously he survived in such fashion that his quality of life has not really been diminished. He’s 72 and she’s 69. We’ve all been watching him like a hawk .. his every cough and twitch (he suffered a TIA 2 years after the sudden death episode) ever since.
When mom was diagnosed in November with MDS … WOW … what an upsidedown thought … that there was even a chance that she could be gone first … leaving him here alone. I don’t think any of us had ever considered that possibility. Maybe your dad had never considered that either.January 9, 2005 at 9:11 pm #2704
Thanks to all of you who replied. Just want to let you know Dad seemed much better the day after I wrote and on his birthday. I guess he was just having a few really tough days. It’s understandable but it breaks my heart. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Jody, I did check out that website. I also asked him if he was taking any medication for depression. As I suspected he does not want to take any more medication. For now we’ll just keep a close watch. With time I’m sure it will get easier.
Czaring, your right just after mom passed dad said to my sister I always thought I’d go first. My sister told me she thought to herself “mom thought the same thing.” She did too, no one ever knew she was sick. She had such spirit and my dad seems so old and slow 9especially since he broke his hip). Anyway, I’m rambling again, just want to say thanks again.
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