Grief and Anger

[Armansa]

Grief, anger, agression, depresion…I don’t know what i feel anymore. My brother is gone…just two weeks ago…last night i thought that i’ll go mad. I was crying, yelling, heating the wall in my house…i was angry with him…with my brother. He didnt want to live, to fight with leukemia…He was first diagnosed with MDS RAEB-T and he says: “leukemia is nocking on my door, i’ll go”. OOOOOOOOOOOOO I am so angry with him!!!!!!!!! In first, why to get leukemia???? In second, why not to fight with leukemia???????OOOOOOOO i am so sad, i cry i yell…….after leukemia was diagnosed, he told me that he dont want to live with AML and that he will die soon…he was only 32y 0ld.After first chemoterapy he past away. He left us all and i hate that, i feel so sorry for him…he needed to take care of his son, of his wife, HE NEEDED TO LIVE , he shouldnt go. He always was saing that he will die young an I AM SO ANGRY THAT HE DID THAT!!!!!!!!!It comes to me to go to the graveyard and to extract him out and to spank him so hard!!! He is a big FOOL that he died. I dont know what i am talking anymore…..maybe I am crasy….or just to ANGRY AT HIM

[Terri]

I am so sorry for your loss, your brother was so young to be battling this terrible disease. I hope that time and Gods grace will let you find peace.

[Russ]

Armansa, I understand your grief and anger. Please don’t blame your brother, He could not
have controlled what is in the Lord’s hands.
May God’s grace and love and give you comfort and peace. We don’t know the reason He allows these things to happen but His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways beyond our reasoning. My sincere condolences.

[Bkwits]

Armansa,

I cam understand how you feel. I lost my husband to CMML 10 months ago. He fought so hard to live and finally just wanted to come home one last time. He did come home but was back in the hospital two hours later. After watching him struggle and suffer so much, we were finally ready to let him go. I still miss him and think about him every day, but it does get better. Take care.

Barb

[camiboxer]

I understand your anger. Been there. Your reaction is normal. A sort of self preservation during times of grief. Eventually the anger will be replaced with memories of happier times. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions that comes with the pain. Only way to get past it is to live thru it. I am so very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and remember to breathe.

[Jimbob]

Armansa,
I am sorry for your loss and that your brotherr’s family will have to go on without him. Sometimes not fighting this disease is only a step before accepting that it has really stricken you. Maybe in time he would have decided to do something about it. Then again, many who have done all they could have not been able to survive either. Don’t be angry with your brother and you are not crazy. You are missing someone that you cared for and loved deeply. While we cannot undestand why God allows things to happen we can ask for the ability to accept it and hoepfully grow from it.
Jim

[Frankie]

I totally understand your feelings, Armansa. It is a normal reaction. In time it will pass…so for now…go beat up some old lady or kick the cat….whatever it takes to get the anger expressed and out of your body.

Frankie

[Engel]

Dear Armansa,
I can understand how you feel. I lost my husband on Oct. 7, 2006, he had MDS which turned to AML, he did everything to fight. Had chemo and went into remission only to have it all come back 4 months later and again he had chemo, but lost his fight. I am angry at the doctors for not having done enough, I am angry at the drug companies who only care about the profits they make. I am lost in this world support your brothers family in every way you can, that will give you peace. Time heals I am told. May we both heal in time.
Blessings, Gloria

[Frankie]

((Gloria))

Keep that anger and grief moving…..in time it will wear itself out. sniff
I know how hard it is. My niece was murdered a few years ago……oh the anger!! I screamed and stormed around the house…I yelled every foul word and hit the bed hard…and stormed some more.

My love to you as well.

Frankie

[willie]

Armansa It may be that your brother had a sense of what was going on in his body that those on the outside wouldn’t know. Do not hesitate to talk out your feelings with your family, his family and your friends. There are people who are willing to listen to you even though you might think that they wouldn’t want to. Willie

[Armansa]

Thank u…all of u for this support. this is the only place that i can talk about it. My familly(my parrents and sister in low) live in other town and i can’t see them a lot, i dont feel them too close, maybe only my mother…but my father…i can’t talk with him about everything. We were all with my brother until the last second. I think my brother was angru with all of them – witgh my father, my mother and his wife. All this years i feel that he is angry at my parents, to my father specialy. We (me and my brother) were expecting too much of my father. Like we were kids, he never been at home, never ask if we need enything…never…he is egoistical bastard. I live 10 years in other town, he never pick up the phone to sey hi or to ask if i need something…never. Now, after my brother left us, neither do i pick up the phone, i am aware that i dont care for them just like they dont care for me. Before 11 years, october the 5th my father have heart attack, 11 years he just say: this winter i am going to die.october the 5th 2006 my brother died.11years my father was just waithing to die, he never care for us, just for himself.I teach a lesson from this, i have to live every second efectively, i have to LIVE and dont stay and watch my life going. My father was doing that, for any help that we ask from him he was saing: I am gonna die, and u may do what u want with my money…stuped selfish bastard. He always was saing that he dont have reason to live…God give him a reason:to bury his son!
I feel so sorry for my brother.And wery angry at my father…

[Patsy]

I truely understand your anger. My grandson died aged 9 months old. A healthy child, here one moment and gone the next. A whole family destroyed for such a long time. I will not tell you that time heals because I do not believe that. But time does make the unbearable, bearable. My thoughts and good wishes are with you. Patsy.

[willie]

Armansa I think that all of us are angry at some point either at ourself out of guilt, family that do not seem to care or at our loved person who has the bad luck to have these diseases. The anger may go away only to come back in another way at another time. I cannot do anything about the family or friends who did not care enough through the last 21 years let alone the last 2 yaers. I will move on without them and so will you. It is very natural for you to feel sorry for your brother and angry with your father. You may find that you will become angry at someone that you do not know about now. Patsy is right, I believe, that time will help get through what probably will not ever heal. I also agree with you to live every second effectively even though I do not always manage to do it. Look forward to your next few steps and do not worry too much about those you will take in a couple of months.
Willie

[Author]

Posts