How to cope with "giving up"?

[Donna]

Hi Esme,
I don’t think I’ve posted to you before. I actually haven’t posted in quite some time but I do still read the forum from time to time. I must tell you how much I admire your strength and love for Hans, how lucky you are to have each other! There is nothing harder then watching a loved one go through such difficult times such as an illness. I lost my first husband in 1992, he was only 33, my kids were very young and my mom lost her battle to mds almost 2 years now (still feels like yesterday). Anyway, I’m not really sure what I’m getting at here, but I can tell you both Mom and my husband went through depression at some point of their illness, I couldn’t really pull them out of it, all I could do was listen to their fears, accept them and support them on all of their decisions. I’m not sure there is a magic pill. Although I do have a daughter that suffers from depression and has been on anti depressents since the age of 13 and without them would surely fall apart. With illness, I think it’s more natural to be depressed, if that makes sense? I think keep doing what your doing and accept the down days for what they are and hope tomorrow will be better.

All the best Esme to you and Hans,
Take care,
Donna

[shirlsgirl]

Hi Esme,

Wow! The people on this forum are SO knowledgable…what a great group! I really don’t have anything to add…you’ve received such great advice and ideas. Just want to say that mom and I are thinking of you and Hans..hoping that things are looking up.

love Jody

[Ensnee]

Thanks, Donna and Jody, for your good thoughts. You’re right Jody, this is a great group. I’m not sure what I would have done without you all.

Donna, I agree, I know that some depression and anxiety is normal in this situation. My dad went through 3 years of cancer before he died, and although I don’t know if I would ever say he was depressed, he was pretty darn stoic, and he kept his more negative feelings to himself. Hans is different. While he is naturally very quiet and not terribly prone to “sharing” I feel I can read him pretty well since he’s been ill. There have been down periods and better periods. I think now he feels since the treatment options are running out, he’s having to face the hard truth and it’s scaring him more than ever before.
I guess the combo of side effects of the current treatment and the stress is hitting him very hard right now.

I’m so sorry you lost your husband so young, and then your mom, so young also. How very, very difficult. I remember seeing a thing on TV about people who live to be very old and are HAPPY, and the common trait they all had was an acceptance of change and loss. When you live to be very old, there’s a good chance you will lose many loved ones. It’s all part of the process of living.

Jody, thanks for your continued support. I hope your mum is continuing to do well!

hugs,
Esme

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