One year ago today…

[Carrie]

Hi everyone!

It has been a long time but I haven’t forgotten any of you. Life has been good. My wedding is Oct. 28th so we’re very excited .

This weekend I’m in Buffalo for my bachelorette party and bridal shower. My family planned the shower today which is the first anniversary of the day that dad went heaven.

I want to thank you all for your support over the last couple of years. It made our experience a little easier knowing that other people understand. I wish you all well .

Love,
Carrie

[shirlsgirl]

Carrie!!

Man. Has a year passed already?. It’s so great to see your post! I’m so glad to hear that you are well.

Have fun at your shower today! Oct. 28th will be here before you know it. Did you already have your bachelorette party?

Wishing you and your fiance all the best Carrie!

Jody

[Terri]

Hoping each day brings you peace. God bless you on your upcoming wedding.

[Sandy L]

Carrie,

Wow a year has gone by so fast. Have a great time at your shower. Enjoy!

Sandy

[Carrie]

Thank you all! Yes, it has been a year already. It went by so fast!

My shower was a lot of fun! It kept our minds off the anniversary a little bit.

I have a nice little story for you, though. Before dad died, his skin was peeling and someone said that he was turning into a butterfly. He told them, no, he was going to be a beautiful moth.

After the mass said in honor of dad, while we were talking to the priest, a moth landed on my shoulder and looked up at me. My whole family was excited by it.

But afer I looked down at it, the priest frantically shooed him away. Apparently, he’s freaked out by moths! LOL! He felt really awful when we told him the story .

It was nice to think it might be him saying hello.

Well, I’d better get back to work. Thank you again for your support .

Love,
Carrie

[sdrake]

Carrie,

What a great story! Best wishes on your upcoming wedding. It is a very special time – treasure every moment. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if you see a moth flutter by then too.

Take care,
Shari

[Carrie]

Thank you .
If I see a moth fly by, I will have to repair my makeup! I’m very tempted to forego the makeup I’ll be crying all day anyway .

[SusanJ]

Carrie,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I have a question for you that I hope you can help me with. I hope this won’t make you sad, but how did you get through losing your dad? My dad is very sick now and in the hospital, and I can’t imagine being able to survive if something happens to him. Do you have any advice for me? God bless you.

[Carrie]

Susan,

I won’t lie. It’s not easy because I miss him so much.

Here are some things that helped me:

– Knowing that he was ready to go. He was always so scared and worried about dying until he knew that there was no other option. Then, peace, happiness, and faith overcame the fear. His body was failing him but his spirit was SO much stronger than that and needed to be free.

– Faith. I’m not sure what you believe but if you believe like my family does that a higher power has greater things for us then it becomes a little easier to deal with. My faith has grown stronger in the last year.

– After my grandmother died, someone said to me “Remember that energy cannot be created nor destroyed.” We are energy which means that we existed before we were born and, somehow, we continue when we die. If you think of it that way, everyone’s energy is still out there . If you have ever been present when someone died, you’ll know what I mean. It’s very powerful and the energy in the room during and after the death is very strong.

– It’s cliche but it’s true that everyone who dies lives on in our memories and in us. I have memories of every aspect of him and I can recall him at any minute of the day. I also have videos of him but I haven’t really had the courage to watch them yet (except for the day that he died).

– Support. Talk to people who are going through it with you or who went through it before. It really helps to know that the things you’re feeling, thinking, dreaming, are common in grief. Everyone suffers grief so almost anyone can be an ear .

The heartache will always be there but it won’t be as constant as when the loss is fresh. It still hits me from time-to-time and probably will all of my life. My father himself could not talk about his grandmother without crying. I always felt weird about that but I know that feeling now and I totally relate!

I hope this helps…
Carrie

[SusanJ]

Carrie,

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice. I’ve been going through so many emotions during this process, and one of them is that my daddy is too young to die, and then I see that your dad was only 54. I want my daddy to live to be 100, as I’m sure that you wished that your dad could have too. But then it wouldn’t be any easier to let go then either. I know that none of us are promised tomorrow, and I know that we have eternal life through Jesus Christ. That’s the only thing that keeps me going through this nightmare. I know where my daddy is going, and I know that I will see him again one day, but that still doesn’t keep me from wanting to hold onto him. I am praying that he will soon get the peace that he so desperately needs. I can’t stand to see him cry and be so afraid. We have always been so close and it just kills me to see him like this. All of the special people on this forum have been so kind and helpful to me. It’s hard to believe that just eight months ago, I had never heard of myelodysplasia, and now it’s the most dreaded word in my dictionary. Thank you Carrie, I may need you again! God bless you!

[riley]

Hi Carrie!

It’s so good to see your post! Best wishes to you and your soon-to-be husband! I expect that you’ll see a moth again on your wedding day.

Beautiful words of wisdom that you shared. You sound like you’re at peace, which is so good to hear.

Do you keep in touch with Kathryn? I hope she’s doing well too.

Nicole

[Carrie]

Susan,

What you’re going through is normal. Just appreciate him while you have him and shower him with love. We are so blessed to have the time to do this and I truly appreciated the time we had with dad. We left nothing unsaid.

My father’s fear was not knowing what to expect in the whole process. My dad’s hospice doctor spent some time telling dad what would physically happen to him and how they would manage his symptoms. They also let us know what symptoms to look for if he couldn’t speak for himself.

I think the fear of pain and suffering is worse than the fear of the afterlife. Obviously, I can only speak for what my father seemed to feel but I think it’s true for most people.

Love,
Carrie

[Carrie]

Nicole,

It’s good to hear from you, too! Thanks for the well wishes. I got a good one so I know our lives will be rich .

I guess I’m a peace. I mean, I KNOW all of these things but it still hits me hard from time to time. How are you doing? It’s been a little over a year for you, too, right?

I haven’t talked to Kathryn in a while. I will see if I can reach her.

Love,
Carrie

Quote:

Originally posted by riley:
Hi Carrie!

It’s so good to see your post! Best wishes to you and your soon-to-be husband! I expect that you’ll see a moth again on your wedding day.

Beautiful words of wisdom that you shared. You sound like you’re at peace, which is so good to hear.

Do you keep in touch with Kathryn? I hope she’s doing well too.

Nicole

[riley]

Hi Carrie,

Yes, my father passed away last July, on my brother’s birthday.

I’m doing well now, though it still hits me hard sometimes too. I’ll be honest — the first few months were really difficult for me. My father was one of my best friends, and I had been his fulltime caregiver for 19 months, so losing him was very hard for me.

It helps me a lot to know that my father had a strong faith and he wasn’t afraid to die. He put up such a fight against MDS, but in the last week of his life, he was completely at peace with letting go. He somehow knew it was time. He passed with a huge smile on his face, and I think he was seeing his first glimpse of heaven. I still miss him a lot, but when I think of that smile, there’s no way I could wish him back.

Now I can look at pictures, watch videos and remember times that Dad and I spent together and laugh rather than cry — which is what my father wanted. I’m healing.

If you get in touch with Kathryn, please tell her I was asking about her. I don’t remember if either of us ever posted about this, but our fathers were three doors apart from each other in the ICU during their last week. I haven’t seen her since then. I lost her contact info, but I would love to hear from her. I don’t post much any more, but I still check in on this board from time to time.

Keep in touch. Maybe you can post a link to some wedding photos after your big day?

Love,
Nicole

[sarah]

Carrie, your experience when your dad passed was similar to my husband’s. We always had hope, but when hope was gone our faith carried us through and sustains me to this day. I cannot even put into words the loss of my best friend and husband of 30 years. He is the love of my life and i am lost without him. I continue to takes thing one day at a time, I know it well. Sometimes i wonder how i can live a lifetime without him. He is forever in my heart. I was with him when he passed. There had been no movement or communication for 3 days. All at once he raised his right arm straight up, opened his beautiful blue eyes and smiled the biggest smile. I thank God I was witness as he left this world and entered the gates of heaven. It was the most inspirational moment.
I pray for each of us touched by this disease.

[Author]

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