Sometimes it just helps to share the burden….
April 1, 2007 at 4:03 pm #17620TerriMember
My Prayers are with you, Its been a tough battle, and I always read your post and can see that Your MIL has fought so hard with your care and love.
PeaceApril 2, 2007 at 2:19 am #17621campbellMember
Patti, I am so sorry that you are going through this now………..I too have always appreciated your posts and agree that you and your MIL have fought the tough fight.
My husband is now under the care of hospice as of three days ago and I am so sad…. I will write more on another thread but now I am finding it hard to write…. please pray for him and our family.April 2, 2007 at 6:55 am #17622fotisParticipant
I wish i had words to soften your pain. I will hope for the best. You always had been here for us.April 2, 2007 at 3:42 pm #17623BkwitsMember
My thoughts anc prayers go out to you. I pray that you find some comfort here in this forum where we understand your anguish. BarbApril 2, 2007 at 5:08 pm #17624JoannieMember
I have not been on the forum in a while, but I do check in from time to time.
I just felt I had to respond with any words of comfort and support I could. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know how difficult it is. I will pray for strength for you in dealing with what lies ahead. Your mil is such a part of your daily life it will be such a difficult adjustment if it is her time to leave. I still feel the emptiness of my parents. But we survive and go on, and I know it helps so much when we can share with people who understand exactly how we feel. If there is anything I can do please contact me. Take care of yourself, you have and continue to be a wonderful, loving person.
JoanApril 2, 2007 at 10:52 pm #17625chuckk333Member
I can’t help but tear up on reading your post about this regarding your MIL.(Not very macho, is it.) I have been so greatful for your willingness to share your experiances and your help and advice. I am praying for you and your MIL.
ChuckApril 3, 2007 at 4:55 am #17626willieMember
Patti I know that the last two years have been tough for both of you. I really appreciate the effort and concern you have given to this forum. Even though you know that it is the disease that taking her, it still hurts to know that you have to let her go. Your sorrow won’t go away but it will become less painfull. Thinking of you both, WillieApril 3, 2007 at 5:24 am #17627jga_socalMember
From my perspective is appears that you’ve been a fantastic dil, caregiver and patient advocate for you mil. My mil pass only 5 months ago a few weeks after a stroke. It’s terrible to see the body give out after such a valiant struggle. I believe your love and efforts have given her a longer time here on earth than she would have had without you. I also believe she will take your love with her and it will be revisited upon you when you need it in the years to come.
JimApril 3, 2007 at 7:05 am #17628pigduckMember
“…I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13 (NLT)
Amen.April 5, 2007 at 4:42 am #17629Sandy LMember
I signed on tonight and found your post. I do not know what to say. I am so emotional I can not see to type. Hold on to the thought that you were a devoted DIL and the “best” caregiver anyone could ever hope for. Stay strong…. there are many people that still need your love and emotional support.
One of your admirersApril 5, 2007 at 8:59 pm #17630KWJMember
Patti – Just wondering if you are ok out there? Hope you can update us soon. Let us know if we can do anything.April 8, 2007 at 3:12 am #17631pattiMember
I am still here – sort of. I am currently “living” at my MIL’s with my husband’s brother as we are both taking care of mom 24/7 while she’s on hospice. Today is day 8. We don’t get much sleep as we go between moving her and giving her meds every 2-3 hours. My husband is taking care of our kids full time while I am here. My BIL took a leave of absence from work to help. This is not a one man job. I am not strong enough to move mom as is needed. My family is having a very difficult time with this separation right now. I go home only long enough to get clean cloths every few days. People have been bringing meals all week that my husband breaks up between the two households and brings to us daily.
Mom is a very modest person and even when totally out of it was horrified at not using the restroom. She would not use diapers. I am amazed at her ability to still hold on to her modesty even while unable to communicate/walk, etc. After 15hrs of not being able to get her to go to the bathroom (we were unable to assist her anymore because she couldn’t help us) we finally had to put her on Ativan for anxiety and catheterize her. She was in so much pain from not going to the bathroom that as soon as they cathed her she was so relieved. Much less anxiety. She is currently on .25ml of Ativan every 3 hours during the day so she won’t “discover” the catheter and pull it out. She’s on .50mls of morphine for pain caused by her fall. She has so much pain from her fall. I think largely because after that she was unable to walk and being in bed has made her stiff so anytime someone tries to move her she winces horribly. The morphine allows us to move her frequently without as much pain for her.
God has done some amazing things as we’ve waited for Him to take her home. First, she had HUGE blood blisters in her mouth from the low platelets. Three days after I discovered them they disappeared. Don’t ask us how. We have all been praying and have had several churches praying that the Lord would not allow her to bleed to death but instead take her some other way. We really felt this was an answer to prayer as it’s been almost 14 days since her last platelet transfusion and she’s doing okay. We can tell her platelets are around 2000 but the mouth sores that have plagued her so badly and were so sore are just not a problem right now. We are so very thankful for this.
Second, my SIL (she is retarded) has done very well through all of this and has forged a relationship with me very well. She is listening to me (which was a real concern)and just in general doing very well. I cannot tell you the relief this is for everyone. But especially me since I will be the one to take care of her from now on. God is so good and faithful.
There is nothing that anyone could have shared with me (although some have as I’ve asked) that could have prepared me for what we are going through right now. And yet, I continue to see the hand of God in the timing of it all.
Mom has been unable to communicate, eat or drink for more then 4 days. Every once in awhile she tries to speak and last night Dave and I both heard her say she is ready to go home. She said it twice. We told her it was okay to go. Today her color rapidly changed from pale/normal for her to yellow and grey so we think the time is short. As a family we are praying the Lord would take her Easter Sunday as we can think of no better time to get a new body then on the day we celebrate our Lord’s resurrection.
For now, that is it. It’s interesting how much of a journey dying is. We continue to ask folks to pray for a comfortable passing for her and so far, that is happening.
I apologize if this is disjointed. I’m running on no more then 4 hours of sleep a night (and many nights much less) and I’m using a laptop which feels weird.
pattiApril 8, 2007 at 6:33 am #17632Kiwi KenMember
KenApril 8, 2007 at 6:58 am #17633KWJMember
Patti – Your post was not disjointed at all. But beautiful. I hope as well that tomorrow it will be for your MIL. She is such a strong woman to hold on so long.
My mom had to tell my granny in Oct that it was ok to go and when she did that, granny took one more breath and then no more. It is hard for them to let go too.
I know how hard this is as we have been through it twice now in the last 5 months.
Please let me know if I can do anything. I am only 10 minutes away.April 9, 2007 at 2:54 am #17634CarolineMember
You have alot of friends praying to help keep you strong and to help your MIL pass onto Glory comfortably. Also to help your new responsibility as guardian for your SIL to begin smoothly.
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