Update (dad and me)

[Carrie]

Dad tried shoveling some snow on Monday (to help my mom) but got tired very quickly. He was out of breath going upstairs to back inside. It depressed him a lot . He was shivering and mom told him that that was one of the things they had to look out for. He didn’t want to call the doctor because he had an 8 am appointment on Tuesday anyway. It’s a long drive from their house to the hospital and it was late on Monday.

At his appointment, he had a fever of about 100 (38.8 C?). They took cultures and told him to stay in Buffalo overnight. He also needed two units of blood and platelets. He stayed at my sister’s house and will call the hospital this morning for the culture results.

Mom was very worried but dad’s being positive. His oncologist, Dr. Wang, didn’t seem overly concerned and I guess that made mom feel better.

I’ve been going through a bout of depression since Saturday. See, I owe my mom some money for closing on my house. I just closed in October. Things were okay then with my dad… we didn’t really know what was going on. Well, now my mom has to sign a promissary note for a lot of money for the donor if dad has the mini BMT. She asked if I’d be able to pay her back all that I owe her. Now I have that heavy burden. I don’t have the money yet. I thought my payments would be extended over several years. I don’t like being in debt and I’m almost regretting buying my house (not yet ). I also feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I don’t want dad to not have the BMT because he’s not healthy enough. But what if he can have it and they only way they can afford it is if I pay them back and I can’t find the money? I have some money that I thought about investing but there’s never a guarantee about investments and I would need this money to more than double. I could hold his life in my hands and it doesn’t seem right to me .

I’m really overwhelmed. In addition, my fiance and I have very serious decisions to make about our future and a wedding to plan. I just want to elope but both of our families would disown us for that (must be blessed by a Catholic priest).

I haven’t felt like pulling myself out of bed and I’ve been late for work for the last two days (just 10 minutes but it’s getting harder to get up).

I know I’m borderline for depression sometimes (not officially but I’ve had some rough times where I’m nothing but pessimistic).

Well, I don’t really know what I’m getting at. I just have a lot on my mind. I see a counselor next week. I’ve been seeing him for years. We thought I was getting to the point where I could stop seeing him but it seems that I have to find other coping skills.

Thanks for listening to me and sorry if I bring anyone down…
Carrie

[Jimbob]

Carrie,
Unload anytime. You are carrying to much of a burden to NOT share it. Did your hospital offer any suggestions for financial assistance or fund raising? (I can go through booklets I was given for some suggestions, but social services should have something for you.) Or how to appeal a negative response from your insurance company. Or does your dad belong to any organizations that might do fund raising on his behalf?

[shirlsgirl]

Carrie,

There is so much going on in your life right now, it’s no wonder you feel the way you do. I think it’s totally normal to feel down. You are worried about your dad and that alone is stressful, and difficult. But not only that, you have so many other things going on, unexpected things…financial burden, the stress of your dad undergoing a BMT, and future wedding plans. I think you are doing an incredible job of keeping it together. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now. Any one of the things you have mentioned is enough to rattle anyone.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Hang in there woman

Take care, Jody

ps. try not to worry

[Carrie]

Thanks JimBob and Jody. It’s nice to have affirmation that I’m not going crazy.

JimBob, I didn’t mention that they are looking into a grant for the extra money. Mom has to file paperwork and provide her financial information. See what I mean? I’m being so pessimistic that I didn’t consider that there’s another option. Thank you for reminding me.

Also, when dad had his SCT for his NHL about 5 years ago, his friends held a benefit for him. But dad hasn’t been in touch with them for a long time and mom says that they don’t want to tell them and get them involved. I also get really frustrated that they’re stubborn about certain things. I don’t understand it… . I am considering contacting his friends on my own. He needs support and I think he’s just not comfortable asking for help after not talking to them for so long.

I guess I’m just having a rough go of it for now… I’ll be better soon.

Love,
Carrie

[Jimbob]

I am only guessing and putting some of my feelings into his situation. It is tough on some people but especially men. He may well feel that he already owes them his life and may have been at a loss as to how to express his appreciation. To go back and ask again is something he may feel that he does not deserve??

[Carrie]

Jimbob,

That’s what I’m thinking, too. Either way, I don’t want to go behind his back unless I know for sure that he’ll appreciate it.

Thanks for your insight,
Carrie

[Terri]

Hang in their carrier, God will find away.
Things will Get better. Money is such an evil thing so much worry and burden. I use to panic as the Med bills are just piling up and Can’t figure where I am going to pay for this. Bob is not eligible for disability He has been out of work for other illness, we never really were concerned and did not file for the disability and now that he could use it he does not have enough credits in. , too young yet for SS so we depend on my income.

His health is more important so I just juggle and make sure everyone gets paid and the Old med bills from the Hospital I am paying off what I can – even if it is a little each month they have to take it.

I have a new lease on life not to let it get me sick, If something happens to me then where would he be so I live day to day and Enjoy my time with Bob.

Money things will work out somehow they always do just have to have faith. Jimbob had some good suggestions.

[Suzanne]

I agree. They might look into whether he qualifies for medicare and medicaid. I also think the social services office at his hospital may find a way to work it out. Try not to stress yourself out. It is important that you stay healthy so you can help where you can.

[LRG]

Hi Carrie,
I’m sorry that your going through all of this. I understand the “borderline depression”, it seems like ever since my dad passed I have been the same way. Can’t seem to get out of bed, running late to work at least 3 out of 5 days a week. When I’m at work I can’t seem to concentrate on my job, my work habbits are slipping…I completely understand. I am not sure how you feel about this but what about taking out a home equity loan on your house? you can usually get it at a pretty low interest rate and can usually take it out for 5/10 even 20 years. I just bought my house 4 weeks ago and after I closed on my loan my loan officer told me that I am now eligable for a home equity loan. Because I did put money down I already have equity in my home. Like I said, just a suggestion. Please feel free to vent any time, everyone has been through so much, dealing with MDS and also on personal levels, I think that is what makes everyone feel even closer. Please take care of yourself.

Lori

[Carrie]

Thanks for the support, everyone. I’ll consider all of your suggestions and talk to my mom about them.

About the HELOC, I already have a HELOC (I had 80/20 financing) and my HELOC is maxed . Yikes!

If things get bad, I’ll look at the value of the house and see what I can do.

I feel better today. Just 4 days of sadness so I guess I’m not sinking into clinical depression.

Dad’s fever was gone yesterday morning and the cultures were good. He just has to go back for blood work on Friday. That makes me feel better, too. We’ll just take it day by day.

Love,
Carrie

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